Monday, January 07, 2008
Last Will and Testament
I have been sick for over a week now and I have decided it is not worth living. I am tired of drinking Nyquil (is that stuff addictive?), taking Theraflu, drinking Dayquil (the color is cute), and ingesting an obscene amount of disgusting antioxidant juice. Not to mention these concoctions that the Midwestern bought me with beets, wheat germ, spinach and apples and other disgusting nasty stuff. The only good that has come out of the past week is two days off from work, home made chicken soup, and the occasional pity party from people. But now I am getting people asking me "Your not still sick right?" Why? is there a time line? Or is it illegal to hold onto the flu..or the cold..or whatever the f&*k this is for longer than 4 days. I start school this Wednesday and I am not looking forward to sitting through 4 hours of class when I am coughing out a lung. But in the process I do have some home remedies that my Russian friends have recommended which I am going to try tonight. One involves drinking a shot of vodka with pepper. Even if that does not work maybe my liver will feel better. The other involves boiled potatoes on my chest (No, not boiling potatoes and my breasts). This sounds like it might land me in the burn unit. The last one involves a ridiculous amount of raspberry preserves. Believe it or not that remedy is actually from my Russian doctor. Instead of just prescribing me some codeine and antibiotics like a normal M.D., he tells me to eat as much raspberry preserves as possible and call him in the morning. I am not sure where my health insurance money is going, but I swear if I do not feel better by tomorrow and my finger nails are stained red, I am having him pay for my manicure.