Wednesday, April 27, 2005

He's Just Not That Into You

I never thought I would say this...As I was watching Oprah today, they had the author of the best selling book "He's just not that into you" The guy spoke for about 30 minutes, discussing all the obvious signs that the guy you are dating is just not that into you. For example, never introduces to any one, which in my book usually means "his wife is just not that into you". Also if he sees you only once a week and you live less than a mile apart. What is the excuse, traffic? Or you have been dating for 6 years and he still wont give you an engagement ring because means he is waiting for something (or someone as they pointed out). It is amazing how this guy is making millions on this book, writing about things that a blind person would see. Why do we put ourselves in these relationships that are going nowhere fast? Even though, I should not be one to throw the first stone so quickly. It took 4 years for me to realize that no ring, and only half of his clothes in my apartment really meant: someone else has the ring and the other half of his clothes. Lesson learned! But get this, the next guest on Oprah was a 63 year old single wealthy man who was offering an all expense paid vacation around the world to find the women of his dreams. Requirements: non smoker, over 40 (shit, there goes my chance), fun, free, and fantastic. What a great idea! It has been decided, if I am still single by the time I am 31, I am going to advertise an all expense trip around my world. Requirements: handsome, smart, funny, must have a big heart (substitutions allowed ;), agile, and performance test required. I think that since I have all this free time on my hands, I am going to start writing a book. It will be called "It is not your personality she's into".

Monday, April 25, 2005

Here comes the bride...

In a city of 4 million men, why is it so hard to find Mr. Right? Being unemployed has forced me to watch shows like the Gastineau girls. God, I wish I was in school! For those of you who have not seen the show, it deals with a wealthy mother and daughter team and both are single. Both of these women are filthy rich and have bodies and faces like runway models. Did I mention they are single.? This does not give much hope to the 5'2" (Thank God for 4 inch stilettos) 115 lb, curly headed brunette from Queens. How am I supposed to find the perfect man, when women like that are hiring matchmakers? Could Manhattan have a shortage of good men? I guess I begin to wonder these things when I get a phone call from my childhood friend telling me that she is in love and has met her future husband. They spoke for the first time two months ago, and share phone calls and emails, but the twist is..They never physically met. May I ask, how is it that after two months of cyber dating and she is ready to meet the in-laws next week, when it took me 4 months before I even met the best friend? Am I doing something wrong? I mean it's not like I am looking for wedding bells. Not yet at least, I think I still have 8 years of the clock left, and at least 3 years until I reach my sexual peak. I am sure the boys will be lined up at the front door for that one. But it is frustrating when I am spending all this time and effort on buying the perfect outfit for the perfect guy, and playing all the cards right, and here is my closest friend about to walk down the aisle and all it took was a JPEG. I guess the lesson of the story is that you never know who or when your knight and shining armor will walk through your door (or computer). Mr. Right can be right in front of us this whole time, and we might never notice it until it slaps us in the face, or he slaps us in the ass. Sorry, my fantasies are always get the best of me. I better get back to my soon to be single, unemployed life, because in a couple of weeks, the only men in my bedroom will be Maury, Jerry, and Montel.

Broke and Beautiful

I have recently become part of a selected class, the unemployed. This is definitely not a group that I was anxious to be a member of, but due to circumstances beyond my control I am looking for a new job. It has been hard getting readjusted to the lifestyle of the unemployed. You look for anything on sale, you begin to limit your entertainment expenses, and I am no longer making trips to Stuart Weitzman anymore. I do have to admit that the week after I resigned, I had to get my fix and make one final purchase of European luxury. The expensive Italian made sunglasses were not on the list of things I can't live without, but it made me feel so much better after eating cup a noodle soups, and PBJ sandwiches for two days straight. I have been lucky enough to have wonderful friends, and a wonderful BF. He really stepped up to the plate when the chips were down, which proved to me that he is something more than just a good source of orgasms. I kind of always knew that, but only when times are tough do we find out who runs, and who stands by our empty pockets. I have a truer appreciation to the stay at home moms, but do not envy them at the least. I hope I do not offend anyone, but after seeing two hours of paternity tests, and you slept with my baby's daddy, I was ready to get back into the job market. I have been on a lot of interviews, and have worn out the sole on my walking shoes, but no complaints. Just hoping that I will get that phone call that will bring me back to my one true love...Time warner we'll be together again!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Ah, ah, ah, ah Staying alive....

Last night at dinner I met my friend's BF, and was quite surprised at what I saw. I mean I knew that there was something about him that sounded too good to be true. I was told tall, successful, wealthy and handsome (so she says- not my type). Hey! I figure after spending four years explaining to people it was Hitler's personality I fell in love with, I have every right to make criticisms on someone else's suga' daddy. And did I mention the Hummer? I am sure both hummers contributed to the "100 reasons why I love you" list. So my question was "What is wrong with him?" I guess I am pretty cynical and the reaction was only natural. Well, when he walked in, I was greeted by a 6'2", dark haired Mediterranean man, in a pair of nice black slacks and a button down designer shirt. No one warned me however that he had a cane, and could probably reminisce about the good years with my dad. The truth is she actually whispered to us before he arrived that there is a slight age difference, so not to be startled. I am thinking okay, maybe he graduated college when she was a freshman in high school. No one told me that when he was graduating college, she was nothing more than an unchecked item on the "five year plan" for her parents. So, yes. If it is too good to be true, it usually is. I used to be a fan of older (richer) men, as stated in past blogs. However, after the past few months with my Midwestern, I realized I've got the Benz right here. There is no need for the bling bling, if it is going to have problems blinging at night. Usually, I am never one to judge. (Unless of course, you are performing the worst fashion faux pas). But I have to say, I am not sure if I would wander down the valley of death again with the over the hill gang. Instead, my new found appreciation for the younger men has allowed me wild nights of countless rounds at the ring, and endless games in overtime. So I am off to the ball game girls, gotta run!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

We're Back......

I know I have been M.I.A. for two weeks. After news of settlement, I took a week off and learned the meaning of "grafted". Things have been good, and even though I may have a truer appreciation for the unemployed, it is good to be back to work. The days have been filled with long lunches, manicure breaks, and Time Warner excursions. The paycheck will not be as nice as the leisure walks through Central Park at 3 pm, but we can't have it all can we? I also can't complain about the BF, all is well on the western front. I've come to terms with the fact that it took most of January to get rid of the ex. It is kind of like moving from apartments. There is a time when you are still packing up crap from the old place, but you've already put your security deposit down on the new one. On a different note, being out of school has been hard. Even though it has allowed me time to be a normal human being, I am still not used to the low stress levels in my life. The adjustment to being "laid-back" has not been easy. Now, being laid on my back all the time..I have adjusted to that quite well. To replace the stress of reading pages of boring and dry material, I have filled up my library with study, and self-help books. I have also signed up for workshops and seminars (preferably ones that are being held in sunny locations). Well, I guess I should get back to the post-trial clean up. Shh, let's see how long that one lasts.