Thursday, October 16, 2008

Can't Touch This

Yesterday, I rode the bus to New Jersey. I have not been on a bus since the First Friday of our First Fridays. That was not as scary as this. It was a bus to Ridgewood which I do not know a lot about except that apparently it is a town of alcoholics. I sat down in an empty aisle seat and this blond woman in her 50's with a skirt and a suit jacket looks at me and yells "Don't Touch Me". I lift my left eyebrow with this look of both confusion and dismay. I then say in a very Queens voice "Excuse me??" I was thinking that perhaps the lady had turrets syndrome so I wanted to give her another chance to speak again. She looks at me with this glazed look and said "It's okay, it's fine." Now my face has this deer caught in headlights look, did she just excuse me as if I was apologizing. For some strange morbid reason, I decided to stay in my seat. That was until she started staring at me. I ignored her, and proceeded to text madly to the midwestern to say my farewell because I was not going down without a fight and I was afraid I would be locked up with a butch woman in Bergen county Jail. All of a sudden I saw her head sway and slump over on the window, she was either going to throw up (or so it seemed) or die in her chair. I got up and moved my seat within 2 minutes she was passed out making funny faces at another passenger. I was safe now, but not without some inner scars. I have decided that either I need to find out where this woman goes to happy hour and slap the bartender silly for not cutting her off, or just never ride the bus again. I do not want to say that this is what happens in the burbs but it makes me happy that at least on the Path platform no one would notice me passed out on the platform snuggled amongst 100 other drunks .

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