Monday, October 27, 2008

Not before Coffee Please

The new associate at my firm came into my office today (Note: before my morning coffee) and started asking me a range of questions and talking a million miles a minute. I don't know about anyone else, but before my morning coffee it is way too early for you to come in and babble aimlessly because I will probably hear only 1/2 of what you are saying. Not to mention, GET TO THE POINT! So, I stop her mid sentence and say "Huh, okay I am not sure what you are asking. What do you need to know?" (In other words if you do not leave quickly I might throw a binder at you) She then went on to show me a document that was marked up by my partner. She turns to me and states "I do not know why I am working on this document, I thought this was sent to court already." Again confused as to why I should care what document she is working on, and also confused as to why she is questioning a document that was given to her by my partner. If the partner at my firm gave me her grocery list, shit who am I to question why she is buying whole milk instead of soy? Nevertheless, let's continue....Again she rambled for about 10 minutes, at this point the lack of caffeine is giving me a headache so I stop her again. I then say "Okay let me check the case file and see what we find". I pull the case file and can not locate this mysterious document that she claims exists. Instead of saying "It's okay I hear voices too" I tell her "Okay looks like it is not here, so just do as told (slave) and process the document in your hand." She then excitingly points to a stack of paper clipped documents and says "There it is!" Happy that maybe now she will leave my office so that I can go inject some espresso in my veins, I grab the paper she pointed at and look at it. It is a document that is all marked up with red ink from my partner (hmm, looks a lot like what she is holding in her hand). I look at her with this strange dazed look (Did you eat paint as a child?) "A, you realize this is just work product..This does not tell me whether the court received it." She looks at me confused and says "But I thought....(she thinks??) 10 minutes pass, and still me minus coffee. She walks into my office again. I pick up the stapler, she is going down. She exclaims "Oh, I forgot that I asked the secretary to send it" (F**k the coffee, now I need a shot of whiskey to help me understand how you graduated law school). "A, glad that all worked out, have a nice day"

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