Tuesday, February 27, 2007
40 yr old virgin
I am walking down Wall street being passed by my morning breakfast of good looking men in 3 piece navy blue suits. And while I am passing the stock exchange, getting ready to enter my gold skyscraper that I call home from 9-5, I am bumped by a black and white furry bear. No, there was not a bear walking around the financial district. But instead there is a 40 yr old woman dressed in a hooded parka who just walked past me, with a blue backpack that has a stuffed panda bear attached to her zipper. I start to think that maybe I should not have skipped breakfast until I realized that this is the same woman that I heard in the copy room say “I am not allowed to sleep over a boys house.” No we do not support child labor. This is in fact a 40 yr old woman. I could hear my mother’s voice in my head say “I do not want you playing with that girl, she is very strange.” I was in the copy room one morning when I heard Goldilocks telling another co-worker that she told her parents she was sleeping over a co-workers house for the weekend so she could actually stay over her boyfriend’s house. Which sounds vaguely like an excuse I used 15 years ago. Apparently, she has been dating the same guy for years and lives at home with mom and dad AND they still think she is a virgin. Oh did I mention the Easter bunny was in the copy room too. I felt as if I am watching a scene from Pleasantville and any minute now I will see a shade of red. Or so I hope. I think my parents sort of gave up on me somewhere in my teens, when they realized that girls in my neighborhood were buying maternity clothes. I am not sure if it was the panda bear attached to her Jansport that gave this woman’s parents the idea that she is still a budding flower, but I could not fathom that people like that exist. I should have known when she showed up at work in pink UGGS.