Thursday, May 07, 2009

The End of the World

The last day or two have been very hard and I have shed many tears and kicked and screamed. I have put on a poker face and tried to keep a smile [which if you know me I am an expert at doing]. But I decided last night there is no reason to act like this didn't happen nor to act as if it didn't hurt. I am allowed to feel this way and to mourn. It feels as if my whole world has come crashing down and everything I worked for was for nothing. I told myself last night nothing has come easy and I know "that's life"...but it seems as if it has always been an uphill battle and I am TIRED. But I am slowly picking myself up and dusting myself off and trying to get myself together so that I can do this again. I know I am capable of passing this. I definitely understand that this is no indication of my intelligence nor of my ability. I love what I do, and I want to be a lawyer and I want it more than anything. So if I look at the big picture in a span of a 25 year career as a lawyer what is an extra 6 months to wait ? I really appreciate all the support because honestly that is what keeps me going to know that people believe in me so much. Thank you it means a lot. I know that we are never given more than we can handle so I plan on taking no prisoners in July. The exam is July 28-30th. I already signed up again, and I plan to start preparing this week. 12 more weeks I know I can do this, I just have to put all my emotions and fear aside. I don't know when I will be able to wake up and declare "WAR!" I am not quite there yet, but hopefully in the next few days. Because once I do, then I can start getting ready for the fight. Then the NY BOE won't have a chnace...MOVE B*TCH GET OUT THE WAY!

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