Arrrrr! Avast me hearties!

I've come to came to the scary realization that if I ever choked on a piece of soy cheese there would be no one to give me the heimlich. As I was disinfecting my contact lenses this morning, I did not notice the warning on the package "do not insert in eye." Okay, this makes no sense. Obviously, the contact lens has to be inserted in eye - where else would I insert it? So, I place the lens in my eye, and that's when I think my life or at least my eye sight flashed before me. All I kept thinking is I will be the girl who blinded herself all alone in her apt. I can see it in the news "Single White Female, found alone in apt blinded by her loneliness." Now it makes sense why this weekend (while house hunting) the real estate lady told me "I think this house is too big for you." Why is it that just because I am not married and I don't have kids, I can not occupy more than 500 square ft. Perhaps I like to walk around naked in a 2000 square foot house. Who doesn't? Is it so wrong of me to live alone? I guess my question was answered, as I am preparing to purchase a patch for my right eye. Moral of the story, girls, keep 911 on speed dial.